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Commitment Issues

Learning to accept what you can't change...in your partner.

So in our recent video which you can see above, Kerri and I talk about how important it is to learn to accept your partner's personality because some things just aren't going to change! As Dan Wile says, "Choosing a partner is choosing a set of problems." Now you may be saying to yourself right now, isn't this supposed to be encouraging? Yes it is. Here is the deal, before you get depressed the remember the flip side...your partner also has a set of unique strengths that no one else has.

Let me illustrate it this way. Imagine you are car shopping. The first thing you will realize is that you have lots and lots of choices. Checking out your local Craigslist or AutoTrader and you will see just how many! Every car you consider represents a set of pros and cons, a set of assets AND a set of problems. There is no perfect car new or used. Every car has a story or soon will have. If you choose THIS car it might have these issues, if you choose THAT car it will have those issues and so on. In 2007 Kerri and I bought a new Nissan Quest which represented a massive commitment for me/us. Before this decision my personal history with cars has been sordid story of short term flings. So we did everything we could to make sure we were getting everything we wanted and thought we would need to be able to keep it for a LONG time. If you had known me then you would have heard me say in justifying my major purchase, "If I don't drive Joshlyn (my 4 year old daughter at the time) to her High School graduation in this van it will have been a mistake." 

Now almost eight years later there have been numerous times when I have come very close to breaking that commitment! One notable occasion found us becoming intimately familiar with the concept of humidity! 100 degrees, no A/C, side of the road...Oklahoma. We cried our own version of the trail of tears. 

No illustration will be perfect but we have definitely run into couples who seem to treat their marriage with about as much commitment as I have had with cars. As soon as the going gets rough they are ready to sign themselves up for something different. Here's the deal, all of the cars I have ever owned have had a few quirks, a few issues, but all have had a set of things they did really well. Again if you are wanting to stay married for the long haul you will need to keep in mind all of the qualities that are uniquely positive about your partner's personality and learn to accept or IGNORE the rest. 

For instance Kerri has been a steady emotional rock for our relationship as I have swung the emotional pendulum at times. If I had been with a less solid person during those extremes I'm sure it would have been UGLY! So no everything about your relationship won't be perfect but the key is to get you eyes one what is working and learning to accept that every relationship is going to have a few unresolvable issues that you can learn to manage with a little effort.

- Sam

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